Last night I met up with a sponsee to go over directions for the 4th step. Since she was in AA years ago and went through some of the steps, I decided to ask about her experience with inventory. The short of it was that she had written a list of who pissed her off and why.
I had a similar experience with my first sponsor, who gave me similar directions. My first inventory was more like a life story than a survey of my weakness and how self manifested in various way caused my problems. Much like my sponsee, I was slightly relieved to get rid of some secrets but mostly I stayed stuck in resentment and eventually drank. It was great to be able to share this experience with her since she was a little discouraged about what was going to come of writing inventory having already "done it" before.
Not surprisingly, I had such a different experience actually following the directions in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Not only was it helpful to get really clear on the resentment, but it was helpful to get to why I was so pissed off, how a 1000 forms of fear drove my resentment and most importantly, how I either set the ball rolling or kept on pushing it. The whole inventory process it layed out so simply and beautifully and I was stuck by this again while taking my sponsee through it. Yet another benefit of giving it away...
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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6 comments:
I didn't understand any of this. I was told to trust the process. It didn't make any sense until I finally got to that 4th column. It is so amazing when we put it down in writing and can see it with own eyes! Best wishes to you both!
Bless you for passing it on...
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
Can you write a blog entry about doing the fourth column of the fourth step? That's where I'm stuck, and the new sponsor hasn't been available lately due to work commitments...
It is a great process. I did the Al-Anon fourth step and also the AA one. The AA one was really what honed in on my resentments and fears.
hi ken,
i don't have too much to add about doing the 4th column of the 4th step. Basically, I was given direction to answer each of the questions in the book. Regarding each resentment, how was I self-seeking? selfish? dishonest? (including lies of omission, comission and delusions) afraid? Could I see where I was spiritually sick like them? (Where had I done the thing I resented? either to the same person or to someone else?) Whom had I harmed around this resentment?
Hope that helps!
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